Disconnection. Conflict. Resentment. Betrayal…
Being in a rough spot in your romantic relationship can put a dark cloud over everything. You might be experiencing a loss of vibrancy, reduced confidence, a short fuse, or a rise in depression or anxiety. Maybe you feel trapped, disconnected, or insecure. Add children to the mix, and you might be worrying if they’re impacted by the problems in your relationship. You really want things to be better but aren’t sure how to get there.
There is hope.
“People are complex. We don’t come with manuals that automate the process of getting along.”
All couples face challenges, and relationships are resilient if given the support they need. Finding your way out of pain and into connection is possible.
I’ve worked with many couples who emerge from dark times with a deeper connection and a more satisfying relationship.
Couples seek therapy with me for any of the following:
- “Perpetual problems” – the same issue(s) coming up over and over again
Adjusting to big transitions: becoming parents, caring for your own parents, medical crises, empty nest, job changes, etc.
- Looking for a relationship “tune up”
- Infidelity/betrayal
- Sexual concerns – desire, frequency, communication
Frequent conflict that leaves you distressed
My approach to couples therapy
My style with couples is collaborative, experiential, direct, and down to earth. In couples therapy, my client is the couple relationship; through that lens we begin work on rebuilding connection, understanding self and other, and healing injuries. We interrupt problematic patterns of behavior and deepen the ability for partners to really see and know each other – working to build trust they can both care for their partner, and be cared for in return. In essence, couples build an owner’s manual for one another and for their relationship, and they are able to end therapy with the skills needed to function better on their own.
Being in a great relationship takes work, creativity and persistence. I pull from many places to support the couples who come to see me.
I am most heavily influenced by my years of training with Dr. Stan Takin and his PACT therapy model (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy). PACT emerged from research on attachment (our relational blueprint), nervous system regulation (how we experience and manage distress), and neuroscience (how our brains work). I am also trained in the work of therapist and researcher Dr. John Gottman and frequently incorporate his findings into my work with couples. Esther Perel’s work on desire and monogamy has also been very influential in my work with couples. I’ve studied many other brilliant clinicians as well: Harville Hendrix’s Imago Theory, Sue Johnson’s Emotionally Focused Therapy, Shirley’s Glass’s expertise on infidelity, Harriet Lerner’s concept of relational dances, and Linda Carroll’s Love Cycles.